Vocation – Part 3

Hi folks!

Here i am again for another installment – to tell you the truth its going on more than i had planned. But i guess its turning out fun doing this. And realising just how much people appreciate this and knowing how its helping others also in the process, whatever their own circumstances, its great and has given me a boost.

Well, i left my job  a month before i was due to enter colwich only to find myself on christmas eve that year having a bout of ‘flu’ and christmas day till about the 28/29th i was in bed knowing nothing around me. I had planned to enter on 1st Jan 1992, but what was i to do? Anyway i was determind to go (call it a stubborn streak if you like), so i went. I went to mass New Years’ Day with mum, then almost immediately after we went to the train station. I only had one suitcase so that wasn’t difficult, but i did have to say goodbye to my dad at the train station and that was real hard (he isn’t a catholic – even today). But mum came with me which i was really glad about, and she could see where i was going to and share in some of the monastic atmosphere. I had a hazy journey though due to weather conditions -which i’ll not mention except for the fact i arrived an hour late and the community wondered if i was really going to come (no mobile phone for me then). I did finally arrive and because i wasn’t feeling 100% i didn’t know what to do or where to show mum etc…..i plunged staight into it for vespers and my head was spinning. I think i saw mum for a bit then we went to compline and both of us were shown to our rooms – me to the novitiate and mum in the guest house. It was really hard for her and she and i were in tears. Well i guess we both slept well and woke up refreshed, but i was disappointed she couldn’t stay a bit longer but she had to go after mass and get back home (the journey took 5 hours by train). So through the many tears we said our goodbyes. Saying that though, i also felt at the same time that i had truly come home it was quite wierd to have two mixed feelings over my new life. People had said that i wouldn’t last a fortnight and i had proved them wrong! The emotions, expectations were running high in me and it couldn’t last. It was strange the first few months and sometimes i didn’t sleep, the wind was howling, rain banging against the window etc..etc…in the end i had to say, ’Well Lord, if you really want me to stay here you’re just going to have to help me get some sleep sometime otherwise i’d be no good to anyone’. There were struggles, doubts, joys, ups and downs and everything else but that’s apart of it trying to find out if your called to a community, but i wasn’t going to give in easily. During my postulancy near my clothing, i remember there was a visitor and i had to go to the guest room and she had said something i have never forgotton. She said, ‘You know there is no rose without a thorn’, and that is a great symbol of religious  life i thought , yes, the rewards are great and high but there is alot that costs dearly and demands great sacrifices at times. Then you don’t know how you’re going to get through, but get through you do with God’s grace.  Writing this part also seems a bit ‘bitty’ but nonetheless – if you think you have a vocation the best thing is to follow it up and don’t let it slip through your fingers. After all, you don’t know until you try and sometimes i think it can be too late. Alot depends on the person, i was young, and wanted to go for it, if it didn’t work out well fine, i had, had a go and i wouldn’t have missed out on any thing. If anything i would have gained alot. But as it happened – i stayed (with God’s good grace) and i feel so privileged with this vocation. You go to a monastery and you take all your good/bad points with you, you take your gifts/talents and you find yourself developing others too and its great fun in the long hard process. The thing is never to give up – even if you feel like it. Keep loving, smiling and being generous to God and he is generous to you in ways that are truly unexpected!

So i guess this is it and i hope i have shared something with you in my journey which have helped and encouraged you!

Sr. d

x

 

(In addition – today 29th March)

It is my 23rd anniversay since i was received into the Catholic Church i can’t believe – time flies by so quickly! The many, many graces that have been gained are abundant (some of which i may be unaware of).

The 2nd planned vocations week had to be cancelled – but saying that please could i ask you to pray for 3 people who have enquired about our life here at colwich.   

sr. d         x.

(7th April ) – Just to say i was going to do domething for Holy Week but the computer was ‘down again’, we are not having much luck with them at the moment. This will be all for now until after easter so i wish you all a happy  Triduum and a very happy and holy easter! But i will check emails up to holy thursday – God bless

‘Spring-Time’

Hi,

Haven’t worked out how to put a video clip up yet, it seems not to work!

Just thought i’d pop in a few ‘minor details of news for you’, whilst i can get connected to the internet. Is it just us, or is anyone else having problems at the moment?

Vocations week:  I’m afraid we had to cancel this due to no response. But i hope that something may come of the next planned week at the end of March. (Well vocations week may go ahead – just heard of a possibility of one or two coming – that’s great so keep up the prayers).

There is opportunity to join in with the Divine Office at 7am, 12pm, 6pm, and 8.30pm with daily Mass at 8.30am.Followed by study of the Rule of St. Benedict or a talk given by our chaplain or one of the sisters. A short period of work will then follow, after midday office, its lunch then free time till 2pm when a bit more work or art and crafts can be done. There will be a chance to do some personal lectio and ‘free time’ is available after supper for half hour (with yours truly if you want to chat).

‘FEATHERED FRIENDS’

In our natural pond which has developed over the last few years, at this time of year we have an unusual couple coming for a two month holiday. It is a pair of DUCKS! Yes, the Mallards have returned and have brought a bit of colour with them again. It is truly wonderful to see these creatures and i am out there feeding them occassionally with bread but it is really difficult to do as chelsea has her say in the matter (she wants to chase them off all the time).  It’s wonderful to hear all God’s creatures singing away throughout the day, different birds etc…… we have a wonderful selection of wildlife within the enclosure and are really lucky!

‘Spring cleaning’

Well as its lent – this is always a sign of getting those fluffy dustbusters out along with the polish, rags, vaccum cleaners, steps etc….and get behind all those nooks and crannies! Yesterday we all went over to the cottage and did that, today we all did our workroom where we have recreation. So its a case of twice a week pick up your gadgets and get cracking………..gardening is only a side line during these days. Also bang goes the cardmaking in ‘freetime’, well we are having Compline at 8pm at the moment the dreaded ‘colds and germs are flying about’. Maybe we can be forgiven from these?

God bless

sr. d

Vocation – Part 2

Vocation is indeed hard to try and put into words – but what i’m trying to do is put my basic journey forward, although its not going to represent my actual feelings at the time fully! But then again it is only the basics…….and for someone discerning a vocation – it’s impossible to try and describe what is going on inside yourself. Its like trying to describe a pilgrimage – you can only put across the bare realities but the actual experience is something different (unless you have a real gift with words etc…….)

So to skip a few years – because i wanted to go on a pilgrimage, it worked out that i was to go to Lourdes, although i really wanted to go to the Holy Land. I found myself going for the first time on my own not knowing anyone, it was our Diocesan Pilgrimage. I had a great time on the whole and made lots of new friends, but half way through the week i started to feel different, i was spending a great deal of time on my own (which was nothing new considering i am shy), and alot of time at the Grotto (especially at night after the torchlight procession). At the end of the week i was in tears , i didn’t want to leave, i had found a new peace in me. When i returned home i knew i wanted to go again, so i started to save my pennies and look at different companies to see which pilgrimage would do for me. I booked my next pilgrimage for the following year -in the summer- it was the National Pilgrimage this time at the end of May that was an experience and the Military from all over the world are usually present at this time. On arrival i decided to ask if i could help out as an handmaid, looking after the sick etc…..they got me in and i helped out at meals times. We also had to help out if people wanted to go round the shops and this was quite fun, but what an experience, visiting the baths was great but i was a coward to go in!!!!!!!! I found that my prayer life was deepening slowly and other people around me were seeing a gradual change in me. Again by the end of the pilgrimage i was in tears for having to leave but i found out that it is a tradition that whoever knelt down by the crowned virgin in the middle of the esplanade  and recited 3 hail mary’s would come back. So i did, and back i went – later on in the same year. By this time with my prayer increasing i started to think of a possible vocation but thought that i was nuts, some people had also suggested the possibility of a vocation but that was rejected. Well i went to lourdes in the october and i was determined to try and talk to someone over this as i was at the time not getting any help or advice from other areas. That pilgrimage was a success in many ways, i had received help and i had also discovered that the real miracle of  lourdes is not only the physical healings but the countless spiritual healings that are not seen or heard about. Once back i had then to decide which order/community i thought of joining but i had a ‘short list’ if you like – it had to be either Benedictine or Carmelite. I was too timid for an active community, i didn’t want to teach or nurse or be a missionary. One thing which i knew is that i had to pray for priests, and pray for the homeless on our streets. So the search was on and guess what – the following year i was back in lourdes again -twice!

I had to take into account that although i was still living at home i had a good job, a great hobby and a car, so i had to consider all these things that i would have had to give up. Well the fifth and final time i went on pilgrimage i had made up my mind and i said the 3 hail mary’ s but this time realising that i would not go back there agian. Yes, you’ve got it i had found the community i was looking for after a struggle during the discerning process, and in- between the last 3 pilgrimages i made – i was looking at various communities, and found the one!!!!!!

Will continue with the entrance and early days in community next time!!!!!!!!!!

God bless you all for now and have a very happy lent.

sr. d